Without Meaning, You Are No Different.

Such a love

Unfathomable from the start

Who can really tell

When the war will end

Our heart will beat furiously

Your passionate fury mis-concepts the unfortunate purity

Desperate desires are henceforth un-salvageable

You push past the desires of men

Steal from this world what we can't comprehend

You think you were right

But no one can tell

That all that's inside

Is metal and rock

Unfeeling, terror, pervasive pleasure

Whispers from the darkness within

This life of desire, unforgiven but lonely

You won't see us without the blood in your eyes

Who could have comprehended that this would be the end.

Your moniker for your smile

Forgives nothing past the lies within you

Some day we shall obtain a new direction

That can salvage our hearts

And give us compassion.

Recollections

I found this while looking back through my old drafts her on blogger. I think I planned to write more on the matter. However I think it's good enough as a standalone now that I read it.

What holds in us our need, our desire, our passion for living. Will she or won't she, sometimes I just sit and wonder about what could have been, with all these people I've never dared to meet, all of those pretty things I never dared explore. What brings in us this desire for acceptance; is our desire to live stronger than our passion to explore? No one can ever determine the true purpose to discovering an ancient lie, a hidden truth clouded in mystery, and I do caress the notion of loving a fellow lover, the occasional skip of the heart beat, the romantic gestures, the time old phrases and canon performances. Our life as we know it is merely a simple beat in the song and dance that entwines our lovely minds together. You always keep certain memories of your past, some of them will remain seemingly clear as day, others you'll remember fragments of speech, colours or smells, and the very special few will fade in time to leave a lasting impression of an extraordinary emotion that will be shared amongst yourself until the day you die. There is nothing that will make you forget how that moment felt, and everything that reminds you of that moment will trigger inside of you that moment that sits so deep in your heart.


The only light being the cool glow from the moon; nervous anticipation, satin and lace. Nervous excitement. A true connection, a timeless bond, a moment that will change your life forever. Twenty minutes of your life that you will never forget....

We Always End In Tears, Because This Life Isn't Meant To Be Feared

This life

A shadow in the blue

With love tied into the framework of her body

You whisper

'I Love You,'

She never hears you...

This is how it's meant to be

This is how life makes you

Nobody looking out for you

No wonder love breaks you.

Will you fulfill your rock-star dream?

Will you live past Twenty-one?

Will you crawl of of the shadow of your life,

And at least give me a hug, before I die?

This will take from us a heartache that burns inside you

A life without reason

Burns forever

A desire multitude that proceeds incompetence

This lust, I share

This, we would just fuck.

I am the leader

I will teach you everything

I'm beginning to pretend

That you mean nothing

Make me famous

Cast my life into the flames

And turn your heart to ash

Because theres nothing worth living for

Then to just make the most out of this world.

By just fucking.

Dangerous Desire

Innocence and purity before you knew her

A life of heartache and a love destroyed

She'll take your heart and burn it too

She wants nothing more than to be like you

A little smile and bright eyes

A hopeless smile she seeks for pleasure

Destroys everything, especially herself

We found this

We took this

A life of fear and acceptance

Who knew, who knew

What this life would become

Who knew, Who did

The dangerous desire

Our hearts combine

I feel inside her

I see her eyes

That see my world

From long ago

Too many lives

Not enough hearts

Some day I will save her from this

Some day we will find acceptance

Today we will keep on fighting

Desperately trying, to not give up lying

I think too much.

Apathetic Androgyny

Her body,

Lovely and perfect

Lying below me

Eyes looking into mine

A time ago

This was what love was

Now

It's just memories

Our desire

Locks in each other eyes

Feels like satin

...on satin

Love composed within the satin sheets

Under a blanket of moonlight

Nights love goes on forever.

Passion and fire

The same old metaphor

Heavy breaths just make it so

Complete comfort

Extreme vulnerability

Everything combined

To take our love

Apathy destroyed

Just the complete desire to send her body out of control and make her shake in your arms

Aspiration Endured Pleasurably.

What Began And What Ended.

What holds in us our need, our desire, our passion for living. Will she or won't she, sometimes I just sit and wonder about what could have been, with all these people I've never dared to meet, all of those pretty things I never dared explore. What brings in us this desire for acceptance; is our desire to live stronger than our passion to explore? No one can ever determine the true purpose to discovering an ancient lie, a hidden truth clouded in mystery, and I do caress the notion of loving a fellow lover, the occasional skip of the heart beat, the romantic gestures, the time old phrases and canon performances. Our life as we know it is merely a simple beat in the song and dance that entwines our lovely minds together. You always keep certain memories of your past, some of them will remain seemingly clear as day, others you'll remember fragments of speech, colours or smells, and the very special few will fade in time to leave a lasting impression of an extraordinary emotion that will be shared amongst yourself until the day you die. There is nothing that will make you forget how that moment felt, and everything that reminds you of that moment will trigger inside of you that moment that sits so deep in your heart.

The only light being the cool glow from the moon; nervous anticipation, satin and lace. Nervous excitement. A true connection, a timeless bond, a moment that will change your life forever. Twenty minutes of your life that you will never forget.

And now all that your left to hold onto is the kiss goodbye and some tacky polaroids... If they were only real polaroids they wouldn't be so shameful.

Where Do You Hide Victoria

Lovely listen heartbeats sink
This is our home we'll build it together
Fight for our love
Ill stand here forever

Sink into the sand
Watch the waves wash over me
I look out to the see
When will you come home to me
Victoria

Some day youll be lost
And 'til then we'll lust
But forever ill try
To Find you again
Victoria

Take me away
Take me away from here
Take me away
Take me away from this
Victoria.

A Promise To Compromise

Dont you know how I feel when I feel,
You should feel proud, youre not dismembered.

Because we laugh in the rain,
While I curse your name
I wish you were dead
At least dead to me.

You hope for stars and when I care too much,
You just run away
Because I gave my heart to you but you didnt like it,
And threw it away.

Never give it up,
As long as I breathe it,
Youll push me away,
But ill come back again,
and forever again

Im Taking Pansexuality Back!

What will this love amount to
Who will stay until the end
Love knows no bounds say they
But they say they'venot loved
It's al hopes and dreams
Until my honey wakes up dead
But before you knew
We'd wish for a life of regrets
Before ever meeting you

Somedays are easier than others
When all we wish for is an illusion
But between you and me
Nothing lasts better
Than a night under the stars
And a night in each others arms

Watching the time pass by
Expressing our lust
Through emotionless actions
Hours by and we'd not know our name
You'll be removed
And I'll keep on living
This night will mark time
I'll forget my desires
That I've longed forever
Born anew
Into my new life
...Fuck I Love Me...

Hedon's Do It Better

On a path of self-destruction due to ones own self-loathing
No more will these days outnumber the lives of our forerunners
Days pass on, and I'll learn to cope
Someday you and I will spend together forever

Never will I let this heart die
My exterior will shine brighter than the sun.

Believe Me When I Say, you don't scare so easily, don't open your heart to let it break so easily.
Just give up to the desires of  your heart
Let the willingness give way to the art of your soul

Contemplating A Virgin Direction

Do I care all that much about what appears around me
When will enough be enough
Do I return to the ones I know that love me
Do I strive to turn a new cheek and burn away my past
Nothing in this world will change my desire
To pull you apart
And find your love at last

New Directions (Disregard)

With a certain disregard for ethics
Our minds will be changed to a new light
Forever our life lingers on the horizon
You'll be wishing to steal me away

This lifetime beyond the next
Don't hold me back
Your wish will be your death
Until the world collapses again
We'll be together unto the end
You, me and the rest of me
Forever we'll be living free,
...

Unless you don't know

What it feels like, an apt decision to determine ones fate to give up the lies that bound in us our hate.
It's this feeling that binds us and altogether changes us, but without it we collapse and fall into nothing.
With a life that knows no bounds fighting a moral obligation our choices reflect our life's regrets.

"Well Sir, Your Head Runs A Curious Establishment"

"Well Sir," said The Psychoanalyst, analyzing The Patients' psychology report, "your head runs a very curios establishment."
"I don't know Doc, I just don't know. What is even worth doing when the whole world thinks you're crazy?"
Completely oblivious to The Patients' insights, "Now you have come up in this report as being somewhat less than normal. Can you account for that?"
"Why? Because I think that I deserve a place in this world?"
"That might have something to do with it... Hmmm, yes. Well, we have an electroshock therapy for that if you might be interested?"
"Doesn't that have links with causing cancer?"
"Bah, no no, none of that rot. It's perfectly safe and normal, no harm ever done to anyone."
"I'd really just prefer to talk to someone-"
"What day won't you be doing anything?"
"Pretty much everyday seeing as though I got fired and the only person that talks to me now is you."
"So is Tuesday fine for you?"
"And sometimes I don't even think you're listening to me."
"Excellent, Three o'clock did you say? I'm sorry but that isn't available but you can come in at Five o'clock, last session of the day."
"You're not listening to me..."
"Hmmm? What did you say? Nevermind it's not important, anyway, so come in next Tuesday for your therapy."
"I don't want to go to it."
"Of course you don't, that's fine, but you've booked it now so you must come."
"I want to throw myself in front of a train."
"Excellent! See you Tuesday, bye bye now!"

***


Explanation: Conversation to myself while working today. The Psychoanalyst is a bit of a inconsiderate bastard.

Failed Inspiration Due To Mans Lack Of Building Things

Basically I was having lunch today for my 30 minute lunch break and then I decided to write some words before I got back to work. I got as far as you're about to read until my pen died. I now feel like carrying an ink pen and bottle everywhere because then at least I'll have ink (but then comes the risk of it leaking into my shoulder bag...


A lot of stinking
wetched walkabouts.
Drowning deep
within their sorrow.
The rest left to ponder...

What world awaits me
beyond creativity.
What darkness prevails in me,
when watching your heartbeat.

Nothing is ever right.
No one is ever pure.
What is dreamt within us,
leaves us broken, not cured.


... but then again, maybe it didn't need anymore written and the pen dying was giving my writings perfectionism... one can hope...

Expanding My Posts

Well what do I write easier then anything else? Obscure poetry...

Taken from journal, [Date: a few days ago]

One Little Drop
And The Rest Begins To Flow
A Nice Spot of Red
To Match The Loneliest Swallow

The others bit big,
The little did care itself,
And your mother cries,
While your sorrow dries.