Destroy Everything, Start Again.

How many times

Can you remember something

Before it dies

If I could have known

I wouldn't have ever let you know

I thought that my heart would be better

When you see it from the inside out

But there's nothing left to see

But what you want to see

When everything that's there

Is only for you

If only you knew

How you splatter yourself across my walls

I wish you'd see, the many colours of my heart

And that all the colours are for you

Love

I want to make love with you

Make everything ok

Make it all better

Too much, too little

I'll be wishing you here

But forever we'll glide

On the wings of clouds

Until we float to the ground

We'll die in each others arms.

So much I want to do,

and I can't do any of it,

if I could just be what I want then maybe I'd be better for you

So many ways I could be better

If only I could show you

I might hold you forever.

I want to be the one who is always there for you

Just so many wants and desires, none of which are fulfilled.

If I could abolish them all

It would be so much easier

But if I lost just one

I would no longer be living

I'd be just giving in.

Mystic explanations of time and space

Cannot decide the meaning in my life

All this life

Every moment

Encapsulated by a single entity.

A respite that forgives the desire to consume.

A hopeless encounter that sends the shadow to the grave

A weeping maiden pushes through the mist

Searching for the grave

That she should be lying

Nothing is fun

When there is no more love

With all this disaster

Can anything be regarded as truth?

Beyond despair

Beyond desperation

The lives that you killed

Embodied the fears that you consumed

Not without first destroying

The innocence inside of you.

But nothing more can be further than truth

Than to decipher all that comes from within

Will nothing more be considered heartless

Will all this heartache be left in wonder

No wonder this world is dead

When you enemies crumble under thunder.

Later nights we left behind

With what we held

In this compassionate rage

Life among the wicked

Deceived the life of the lovers

You are the only one to ever believe

Everyone else were just misconceived

Life beyond the desire.

I wait for you.

This heart I hold will bring me closer to you,

Nothing could keep me from loving you.

I give everything I can to give you what you need,

I'll always try to be the one you love,

I won't leave you, always waiting for you.

Beyond doubt I call for your desire

I hope that you could become the one I spend eternity

Everything between us, everything that is us

I just want to be yours

Forever yours.

Loneliness

I'm lonely, in conception

Viewed through the lenses of deception.

Embody the heart that my lover gives

A warm embrace that counters my life

Withhold from this desire
And feed your own fire.

I will not bend for you,

I will not kiss your feet.

Nihilist vs. Agnostic Rationalist (I use those terms /very/ loosely)

Here follows a discussion between my friend VJmes and myself about the meaning to the Universe, nihilism and existence... Among other things.

VJmes says (11:11 PM):

There is one good thing about being nihilistic

You never get stressed

Hedon says (11:12 PM):

Hah, I'm not sure if that is always the case with nihilistic persons

VJmes says (11:12 PM):

more often than not it is

Well the ones that realise that any effort is inheritantly futile and meaningless.

Hedon says (11:14 PM):

I think people are either naturally stressed or not, while environment does impact it to some extent, it's mostly your own personality that decides how stressed you are

but in the same respect, your personality will influence your views on nihilism

VJmes says (11:14 PM):

Pretty much

Hedon says (11:14 PM):

so it's hard to say whether low-stress is a result of nihilism, or they are both a result of your personality

VJmes says (11:14 PM):

some people are far more adept to religion than others

Hedon says (11:15 PM):

Which is interesting

VJmes says (11:15 PM):

I believe that there are a lot of people who simply cannot deal with a world without religon

or a world without meaning

It'd be too bleak for some people live in

Hedon says (11:16 PM):

But is that genetic or environmental?

VJmes says (11:16 PM):

Of the whole nature verses nurture front

It's probably a combination

with a strong bias towards the nurture

Hedon says (11:17 PM):

I think everyone needs a reason for existence, even if that existence is nothing

VJmes says (11:17 PM):

Not really

Every other species exsists with no real purpose

Hedon says (11:17 PM):

There is no possible way to explain existence without a reason

but they do have a purpose, to reproduce

VJmes says (11:18 PM):

and what purpose does that serve outside of this planet?

Our existence has no real meaning, think about it, of the 13 billion estimated years the universe has exsisted

We've been around for roughly 100,000 years

We populate one planet of possibly trillions

Hedon says (11:19 PM):

Well, it could be said that without our existence what function would our planet serve, had we not been created what would happen to our solar system, not just now, but in the future

VJmes says (11:19 PM):

Why does our planet have to serve a function?

it would do what it'd do without us

Hedon says (11:20 PM):

Because doesn't everything, even a small asteroid serve as a function

even if that function serves no balance of purpose

VJmes says (11:20 PM):

the sun would burn out, collapse and the solar system would drift a part

Hedon says (11:20 PM):

it is still a function

but who is to say that our existence isn't important for this solar system, obviously something happened right, or wrong in the very beginning for this to happen the way it is

VJmes says (11:21 PM):

Humanity as a whole is that insigifigent that in all reality we will leave no difference in this universe

Hedon says (11:21 PM):

in the universe maybe not

but in our world, we do impact it, and then our impacts on our world may impact the surrounding planets

VJmes says (11:22 PM):

We are simply the by-product of a planet that was exactly the right distance from a star burning at the right temperature to produce life

Doubtful

Hedon says (11:22 PM):

in this day and age yes

VJmes says (11:22 PM):

Even in thousands of years

Hedon says (11:22 PM):

but as space exploration becomes easier and bigger, we will start to leave our mark on our solar system

VJmes says (11:23 PM):

the constraints of physics and distance mean that humanity will never travel outside this solar system

Hedon says (11:23 PM):

Humans may not, but our creations can and those creations could impact other planets, and life forms in the distant future

VJmes says (11:23 PM):

and who's to say that in 20 years an astroid won't come along and wipe us all out

our existence is so fragile, it could almost be considered non-exsistant

Our creations will breakdown into their basic elements over millions of years

and continue to break down on an atomic level until they become simple chemicals

Hedon says (11:24 PM):

an interesting thing that came out of [my philosophy tutorial] discussion on Spinoza, is that humans are a result of the universe discovering itself

VJmes says (11:24 PM):

How has the universe discovered itself?

Hedon says (11:25 PM):

Spinoza dictates, from the definitions and axioms held by philosophers past, that there are two types of substances in this world

VJmes says (11:25 PM):

which are?

Hedon says (11:26 PM):

ones that are limited, caused by something, such as humans, we are caused by other humans (sex) and as one human ages, and dies, they are replaced by another of the same (another human)

VJmes says (11:26 PM):

the other?

Hedon says (11:26 PM):

and ones that are unlimited, a substance that stands about all else, and is infinite

VJmes says (11:26 PM):

That's impossible

Hedon says (11:26 PM):

self-causing substance

not entirely

VJmes says (11:26 PM):

Even if the physics on it were wrong

Hedon says (11:27 PM):

What physics?

VJmes says (11:27 PM):

the fundamental believe is that there are a finite number of atoms in the universe

it's estimated that there are 26x10^98 atoms in the universe

Hedon says (11:28 PM):

Spinoza dictates however that the unlimited substance is god, and that from this infinite substance, or infinite attributes, everything is caused by this self-scausing substance

but how many were there to begin with?

VJmes says (11:28 PM):

That sounds awfully theistic

Hedon says (11:28 PM):

it is and it isn't

VJmes says (11:28 PM):

the same

no matter is created or destroyed, same with energy

It just takes a different form

Hedon says (11:29 PM):

Although some physicists dispute that

VJmes says (11:29 PM):

What, Newton's 3rd law?

No one disputes that

it is the most fundamental law in science

Hedon says (11:30 PM):

I've seen people claim that certain observations can't be true according to newtowns 3rd alw

things regarding black holes and string theory etc

VJmes says (11:30 PM):

Dude, there's a conclusive proof on it

black holes themselves are theoretical

I have a video by a comedian

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw

George Carlin, the man was a genius

Hedon says (11:31 PM):

I love george carlin

VJmes says (11:31 PM):

Everyone does

No wait

Few people do

Hedon says (11:33 PM):

Well, anyway, as much as you can say that we serve no purpose, you can't be definitive and completely truthful in that statement, and as long as there is possibility of error, there is a possibility that our existence does impact, however minutely, the existence of the Universe

VJmes says (11:34 PM):

but to say otherwise you have to answer one question

Hedon says (11:34 PM):

Ignoring soulless physics for a moment, there could well be existential meaning within the universe itself, even if we are a hair on it's head

VJmes says (11:34 PM):

What meaning does the universe have?

Hedon says (11:34 PM):

I have no fucking clue

VJmes says (11:35 PM):

The lack of this answer implies that there is no meaning

Hedon says (11:35 PM):

I find that logic falliable

VJmes says (11:35 PM):

Until someone even theorises a possible meaning

What can you say?

Hedon says (11:35 PM):

Just because you can't answer something does not mean that an answer does not exist

VJmes says (11:36 PM):

No but the assumption should be made until there is an answer

Hedon says (11:36 PM):

The fact though, that you can question the meaning of the universe, means that there is an existence, for if there was no existence to it, then you couldn't think of the universe and its potential to have meaning in the first place

You can't think of things that don't exist

and if you can think of it, then it must exist

Cartesian Philosophy, I think therefore I am

VJmes says (11:37 PM):

Something can exsist with no meaning

Hedon says (11:37 PM):

can it?

VJmes says (11:37 PM):

Yes

Hedon says (11:38 PM):

But what about purpose?

Surely everything that exists has a purpose

however minute

VJmes says (11:38 PM):

No

Hedon says (11:38 PM):

No what?

VJmes says (11:39 PM):

You can't just make an assumption that if something exists, it must have a meaning

Hedon says (11:39 PM):

But I'm not making that assumption

VJmes says (11:39 PM):

Well you are

Hedon says (11:40 PM):

I'm saying that, that which exists has a purpose, for if it didnt, then it wouldn't exist

VJmes says (11:40 PM):

Your saying that the universe exsists, thus it has to have a meaning

I think therefore I am

I disagree, something can exsist without meaning

Hedon says (11:41 PM):

Ok, but can something exist without a purpose?

VJmes says (11:41 PM):

Well the universe exists without purpose

Hedon says (11:41 PM):

Well what would exist if the Universe didn't?

VJmes says (11:41 PM):

Nothing

Hedon says (11:41 PM):

How can nothing exist? For it is nothing

VJmes says (11:42 PM):

How did you make that jump?

If the universe does not have a purpose, then everything within it does not have purpose

everything in it exists as part of the universe that lacks meaning

Even by scope if something was dependant on another

thus giving it purpose and meaning

it is still inheritantly purposeless because the universe has no purpose

Hedon says (11:44 PM):

But everything inside the universe, such as the equilibrium of the planets movements are based on its distance from the centre of the solar system, is dependent on something

Your existence was dependent on the fact that your parents got drunk and accidently had a child

VJmes says (11:44 PM):

I was planned unlike you

Hedon says (11:44 PM):

XD

VJmes says (11:44 PM):

By inheritance, We have no meaning

even by our own scope we have no meaning

Hedon says (11:45 PM):

But I fail to understand how there can be no meaning in this universe, as long as we are dependent on something else

VJmes says (11:45 PM):

the planet could wipe us if any condition changed slightly

and we would not have affected the universe at all.

Hedon says (11:45 PM):

We wouldnt, but the universe would have affected us

VJmes says (11:45 PM):

So?

We no longer exsist

If the universe affected us, what difference does it make if we no longer exsist?

For something to have meaning, it's function and purpose must be constant

Hedon says (11:46 PM):

In the Universe, maybe nothing

VJmes says (11:46 PM):

on the planet nothing

Look at what happened in 50,000 years

Hedon says (11:47 PM):

But within ourselves, our purpose and function has meaning, for we keep on fucking and we keep on breeding

VJmes says (11:47 PM):

plants and animals long since past have been burnt up into simple chemicals (CO2)

Hedon says (11:47 PM):

Regardless of the impact we have on anything outside our planet, we do have an impact on ourselves

VJmes says (11:47 PM):

So?

Hedon says (11:48 PM):

So we aren't devoid of meaning

VJmes says (11:48 PM):

That impact is futile if we're all going to be eventually wiped out

Hedon says (11:48 PM):

Not for now

For now we are still impacting the world and the planet around us

VJmes says (11:48 PM):

The onyl way you could otherwise think he have a meaning is if you believe in quantam immortality

there there is a reality in which humanity is immortal

Yeah but assume we all died tomorrow

the world would break us all down

and in thousands of years we would become the same matter in which we originated

Hedon says (11:50 PM):

Ok, how about humans ourselves are merely just an accident gone wrong, that in another planet a perfected existence of a meaningful species exists

VJmes says (11:50 PM):

The first lifeforms were created from the earth itself

the last ones will return to the eath in the same way

Hedon says (11:50 PM):

That it will

VJmes says (11:51 PM):

Possible

Hedon says (11:51 PM):

But if there was no meaning to us being here now, then why are we here now

VJmes says (11:51 PM):

Though all established theories on life would indicate that they would be as just as fragile existence as us.

Why are we here now?

because your parents fucked one night, shot you out 9 months later

and in approximately 80 years you will die

be put into a box

put into the ground

Hedon says (11:52 PM):

No, I am here because contraceptive pill failed

VJmes says (11:52 PM):

baha

point still

in 80 years you will break into the earth once more

what you do in that time is entirely up to you

don't fuck it up, you only have one chance at exsisting

Hedon says (11:53 PM):

By all current understanding we do

We at least only have knowledge of a singular existence

VJmes says (11:53 PM):

A quantum exsistance would be preferable I assure you

any reality in which there is a reality that I am sleeping with your mother is a good reality

Hedon says (11:54 PM):

Hahahaha

Well, yes we could go on to question the existence of a multiverse

of which there is 'evidence' of

VJmes says (11:55 PM):

Meh there's just as much evidence on either side at this point

I'd like to believe it to be real as much as I believe that a 2000 year old zombie can in death bring me to life in a new perfect relaity

but this isn't the land of perpetual lolipops, puppies & rainbows

Hedon says (11:56 PM):

I like to think that the fact that we are capable of discussion like this indicates purpose to our life

VJmes says (11:56 PM):

I don't see how a discussion impacts on anything

outside the people who know of it, the affects on humanity are minimal.

As you can tell

I have a very bleak outlook on everything

Hedon says (11:58 PM):

But how did we manage to develop logical thought?

What purpose does logical thought serve us?

Just an advantage in the ecosystem?

VJmes says (11:58 PM):

I'd say so

Hedon says (11:59 PM):

I don't mind your bleak look, and I generally see things in a very pessimistic way, but I can't be satisfied by a nihilistic philosophy. Although, maybe I will just have to read more about it

VJmes says (11:59 PM):

Humans would've become extinct very quickly had we not developed self-awareness and logical thought

We have no fur to keep us warm

Hedon says (11:59 PM):

Not nessecarily

because not all creatures that haven't developed that are extinct

VJmes says (12:00 AM):

Is true

Hedon says (12:00 AM):

But that's because we created our own fur

VJmes says (12:00 AM):

But we are facing a mass-exstinction at the moment

and suprisingly not because of humans

Hedon says (12:00 AM):

and we migrated to habitats which we shouldnt have

VJmes says (12:00 AM):

exactly

without logical thought we wouldn't have moved anywhere

instinctively living near where we were born, like all mamals

freezing to death

or burning to death

or unable to defend/hunt

Hedon says (12:01 AM):

No, we would be living in Africa

naked savage beasts

VJmes says (12:01 AM):

Yeah we'd be being nommed on by a zebra or something

exstinction by zebras

Hedon says (12:01 AM):

and if it got to hot then we would migrate, by course of natural selection, the smart ones move to the more survivable areas

Bahaha, yes, plausible

VJmes says (12:02 AM):

Either way, we're heading down a totally new can of worms

Though I do love me some evolution

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMRpa_W-YSg [Evolution according to South Park]

Hedon says (12:04 AM):

I like it

also, youtube videos have changed

the fuck

VJmes says (12:04 AM):

I know

Hedon says (12:05 AM):

right click a youtube video, you get new options and such

VJmes says (12:05 AM):

I know

change is scary

does someone need a hug?

Hedon says (12:05 AM):

No, I like change

I've experienced a meaningful change at least every 2-3 years of my life, kinda feel weird when something doesn't change

VJmes says (12:06 AM):

I can't live with consistancy

Hedon says (12:09 AM):

Well, my mind is thoroughly stimulated now

It feels like my brain just had rough, violent, angry sex and is sort of pissed off because the orgasm wasn't as fulfilling as it was hoping

VJmes says (12:10 AM):

Trust me, if I had sex with your brain

it would've orgasmed so many times it'd get sick of orgasms

Hedon says (12:10 AM):

>.>

You ain't that good :3

VJmes says (12:11 AM):

How do you know >_>

Hedon says (12:11 AM):

Cos I've been there gurl *shakes finger* mmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmm

VJmes says (12:11 AM):

ooh ooh

I think after all of that

it's time for some Doors

Hedon says (12:12 AM):

Haha nice

I am going do what I usually do post-coitus and find food and drink a mouthful of coke from the bottle

My Lover, She Understands.

She makes the way I desire to live

A desire that I fully embrace.

Every action and every word

I desire to please and fulfil her heart.

I love and feel

What it is to be real

This passion embraced

I love with enduring desire.

Forgotten, the life I left behind

With everything I feel

Currently held within her heart

I desire to be punished

But in her I feel loved.

I want nothing more than my life to be complete

And with this love it is so close

A life long desire,

Captured by this that she brings.

I miss her like the daily snow

Whispers upon my cheek, A whisper from the dark.

Live this lie you made for yourself

It's really the point of everything that matters.

She is my world and all I ever think about

My heart goes to her, she is all I ever want.

Someone as amazing as her could frequent my life... I love her incredibly,

It does not feel like anything worth doing is worth it.

Miles of everything lost in the incessant noise.

Obsolete

They look at what I've done

While I sit here, stunned and charmed

Enraptured by this beauty

The world is looking at me

No one will save us now

This is the time that we will live

No one will see us now

Not for the cuts upon our chins

You look to the skies and embrace the night

The stars and the heavens all that which you created

No one will ever know that you are the one who should of died

But who is to blame them when you created the universe

Beyond the depth of man

You develop a trust in hating

Don't look past me

You'll only see misery

...and you take all you give,

Just to escape.

Curses of a Blank Mind.

This is just all that you can _______

With _____ blatantly lost

Your ___ is now _____

Vacancies persist in ______ desperation

A life ______

She ____

"_ ____ __" you reply,

She doesn't hear you.

Potentially wasted

And wasted potential

Forgive us this desire

For within I am on fire.

Without Meaning, You Are No Different.

Such a love

Unfathomable from the start

Who can really tell

When the war will end

Our heart will beat furiously

Your passionate fury mis-concepts the unfortunate purity

Desperate desires are henceforth un-salvageable

You push past the desires of men

Steal from this world what we can't comprehend

You think you were right

But no one can tell

That all that's inside

Is metal and rock

Unfeeling, terror, pervasive pleasure

Whispers from the darkness within

This life of desire, unforgiven but lonely

You won't see us without the blood in your eyes

Who could have comprehended that this would be the end.

Your moniker for your smile

Forgives nothing past the lies within you

Some day we shall obtain a new direction

That can salvage our hearts

And give us compassion.

Just Meaninglessness, Embrace Me

Look at this life, so sacred and horrible.

This wasted existence, left burnt reminiscence.

Desire captivated by the expression of words.

A life that you once enjoyed, destroyed by your passion.

Can no one take this desperation away from you?

Will nothing save you from a cold embrace?

Like a wandering sailor forever searching for answers,

A life you left behind still haunts you in desperation.

You will not ever give this up,

You can not let this go.

Something so beautiful.

Something so profound.

We are captivated by your every sound.

A lonely moth circles above us.

With a noise so clear,

Radiating in the starlight.

A gradual intensity

Created from nothing,

Like the slow beating of your heart

That forever seeks to destroy you.

Deadly desires.

So many worlds, take me from this life

A lonely whisper

Breathed from the worlds of darkness

She looks beyond the screams

Eats your heart out

Buries it in her belly

Will never let you free.

Like a lost and lonely wanderer

You keep me safe inside your arms

I wish I could be inside you

Instead of outside in coldness

Your touch is the essence to my existence

And everything I feel is through you

I love you with all my heart

And I hope that never changes.

I was going to dedicate this to Katja, but it ended up sort of corny, so how about I just dedicate it to the first post in June instead?

A beautiful lover

She sets my heart on fire.

Nothing more do I seek for

Than to sleep in her arms each and every night.

Beauty in her eyes,

Makes my heart stop.

Without you I feel so empty

I just need you here right now.

This life we have in our future

I will never let you go

If you would keep me forever.

Just hold me close

Don't let go

I'll give you everything

I'll set your world on fire.

You are my everything.

Everything to me.

To me.

One day too many...

So many hopes

Wondering through empty streets,

This life we created for ourselves.
It's nothing more than a hopeless serenade.

Our love bursts forth

From golden clouds.

This life we desire

Is nothing short of irony.

Without the respite for death

Who can we be to cover our debt.

I love you.

Without withholding passion.

This passionate embrace

That you serve to contemplate

Our lives cast forth

Among blackened stars.

Nobody can save our lives,

Nobody will love us now.

I'm absent with a desire

This is more than what we require

If there is passion you need

Then seek within us this fire.

You will become everything you wanted.

Your life is not over. Escape to the sea and don't, look. Back.

My Favourite Passion To Witness

Harmless sweat,

A loving glance

Stress-less moan.

Synchronized breaths

Bodies shaking.

A passionate touch

A beautiful kiss

A life beyond love

Pure euphoria

Clouded in ecstasy

Is there nothing more beautiful

Than a woman in passionate throes of uncontrollable exhilaration?

I'm holding on

I take this life

And you run so far

Too far to catch

Not far enough to not see you

A life we take

To escape this fate

We search for loving

But nothing seems so fitting

Than to run away

Escape to the stars

I miss you don't you see

I can't live without you

But your eyes are just too perfect

To be within me

A life that we obscure

Is better than a life lost

This is better than respite

We foresee terrible damage

You take this down

Destroy this hateful spear

And you seek to exact vengeance?

I will strike you down

Search for you and destroy you

You won't see me coming

Until you start dying

This life you created for yourself

Is nothing but a façade

Forgive yourself

For no one else will

Let me be

And forget about me

I'm much like a lie

Unlike the liar

We desire to forgive

You shouldn't have saved us

We were better off without forgiveness

I want you back

But nothing can stop me

Just live with me

Spend forever in my arms

We'll search for the stars

And we'll live our days in endless peace

Constant love-making.

I want to feel your skin.

I want to be lying in your arms,

It's the only time I feel safe

It's the only way I feel loved.

You make my life perfect.

More than the value in life

Your love puts in me.

A desire for you

A passion endearing

Unending, Unbearably lustful.

How regretful I would be

If I let you go

Your love breaks my heart

In all the ways I love

I wish I could be yours

Forever and ever.

You make me feel so young

I just feel so hopelessly romantic with you.

I love it.

Just Words.

A life, A lover

She keeps me close

Keeps me forever.

I want to give her a voice

but all I can only give lies.

Your faith will falter

When you rest it in me

Some day I'll know

The cure to myself

Disturbing images from your past

Haunt me and kill me,

Like you wont last.

A liar,

Will take you home

She'll give you desire

And eat your heart.

A desperate lover

Embodies my favour

Embrace this fire

Release my desire

I life that burns

So strong it hurts
This love we share

I love you my dear

For it softly weeps

As the gentle breeze

Swept across your chest

Covered the bite marks on your back

This love we desire

A hopeless fire

Burns ever stron-

Why don't I speak of blood?

So Many Nights I'd Lie In Your Arms.

Our lover cast aside

By the fire in your flaming heart

Too many words to take back the way you make my heart drop.

Our love, delirium

To become what we love, I love.

You are too sweet, I just want you on me, but maybe one day.

We'll elope,

We'll run away, till the world stops spinning

This love that we share, it brings us closer, under the night skies.

I want to be yours forever.

Won't you be mine.

I love you to the end.

This is our future.

We could live your dream.

Because,

I love you.

It's Love. She Said, Desire.

I just want to escape.

To free my life from these reins.
Escape to the see,

Where the moon will comfort me.

I need no other

Than the heart of my lover.

Today we will run away.

Tomorrow will be forgotten.

Hide in me, my prey.

Like a life.

Beyond hope.

She'll let you live.

Eat you alive.

But not for long.

This world is ours.

I love you she said.

Just for now, as always.

She is... Just magnificent.

I think I'm in love.

She Stole My Heart, When I Didn't Know I Had One.

We'll take a trip up to the stars.

I'll make your dream last forever,

Under the night skies

I'd lie forever in your arms.

Your brilliance amazes me

Adorable and loving.

Comfort, and beauty

Hope, you do fulfil in me.

No more regret within your eyes

I just love you until the day I die.

You're more than what I can love,

You just wish that this could come on.

I need you more than ever

Just a kiss would last forever

This is our love

This is our desire

Within you my heart is a fire

I love you my precious,

As the world will stop

And I'll forever be with you in love.

Neoteric, Like I Never Knew.

Cannot feel what you say.

Will not take this heart away.

Today we stay,

Tomorrow I see you gone.

This love, this life,

She was too young.

You cannot deceive me.

You will not leave me.

Because I will be yours

Until the end of everything.

She wishes with might, that what might make us laugh, will destroy us. Who knew, who knew, this is the life. Our life, our beautiful skies. Starless eyes bleed only as beautiful as our lies. If you only knew. She would eat you alive. I believe in nothing more than to escape to the sea where all pleasures would belong. Among the oceans and the whales. Our love remains strong. Who are we to judge, when the love comes to fold. Should this be our life, could we eradicate our love, my love are you sure this is what you want? Don't wish for thoughts you can't control. Do not trick yourself into believing. This isn't what this means. This is love. This is what you wanted.

Was it not how you thought,

That this would be your life.

If you could bleed blue,

Would this dress suit you?

This is your life

This is what you wanted.

Wasn't it?

Because this is the end. This is when we collapse. Fall into the ground, bury our bones in the ashes. We will lose everything, everything that you loved. This is our love beyond what is controlled. Together, forever. Just loveless bones among the laughter. If only it ended in slaughter, maybe you'd still be breathing. Can we decide what we love? Is this everything you wanted? No more will you love when all you think regret. Just don't let go, I will always be your lover...

Just until...

Her Eyes.

Her hopeless words that bring you close.

There's nothing quite like being this real.

This is life, this is what we perceive,

Is there nothing this real.

This is nothing more than what we desire.

For countless lies hide behind liars.

This is the real world.

This is your life.

Nobody will destroy you,

Nobody will hurt you,

Quite like I do.

It does not end.

She'll control you

A life outside your own

TO beyond the love that exists in between the hearts of the lovers. An escape, she runs, runs away from her nightmares. Haunted souls eclipse her mind, a life of lovers and leavers leaves a poor woman lonely

Shell quit you
Exit you
Time forms out and takes control

A life the is distorted
Bent at the neck
And uncontrollable until.

The

Day

She does not give up. Not for you

SO MUCH ALL THE TIME JUST NON STOP

Hold me

Collapse

Fissure nonsense beyond complete

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no

Leave you lonely,. This life will destroy you.

XOXOXO BOOM

BOOM BOOM

this life

it is too far belong

to see this life

i can could take

this is just a lie

Too many nights

Too many nights ago

this life is killing the life beyond

She Is My Victoria, Victoria Is Her Name

Her love, wonderful eyes,

Looks into my soul

Devours my heart.

A whisper, a giggle,

A smile that shows

So much passion.

There would be no greater pleasure

Than to relive such a day

Such beauty embodied

This is my desire.

Just this life

Can never be stable

This is love, all over again.

Devour Me Whole.

She'll eat you alive

This world

will not save you

A life alone

Hope for misery

Despair, satisfied

I'm alone in this world of tears

Covered in lies

I look to the skies

She'll keep you warm at night

I need to run away

Just please stay away.

Leave this world and don't look back.

I didn't mean this

You mean too much

Do not tire

I cannot withdraw

Nothing more to be said.

Just hope it ends alright

Hope she brings you love

Hope she ends this world of tears

And brings you to your knees.

Exit, front stage.

Eat Me, Alive.

Untitled.

Draped in black, he walks the streets beneath sodium streetlights. Face obscured by drugs and hair, half-nakedly trembles with every little sound. No words can describe his night. Maybe in his dreams he will be haunted, but the scars on his chest will never be answered except by those who reside in the lake of souls.

I'll take it away,

You'll lose me, don't run too late.

Forever lost in brutal love

She destroys your hope

Devours your lover

That's life

Fucking live it.

Terminal.

Naked desire of frequent fires

A life that takes you ten thousand lies to expire

Too many or too few

Some would whisper

Beyond the life of a lover she will endure

No more will this impulsion serve to remove our lies

Can we just forgive, could you forget me.

No more will be defined

Behind the lies that you repeat

Some day you'll see the world in front of you

But maybe its good

When all we give

Is emotionless lust

This is just a desire

This is what we expire

Beyond our terminal love.

A Desire To Drape Over Our Misery

She'll bring this unto you

A loving heart that never stops asking

She will never give up

Only to see you break

A life this is lost

From everyone that you loved

Too late to cry

Too many more lies

You've wasted your life

On wasted fires

That never burned that strong

Even when you thought you were in control

Lost words, that bring into us

A life that lives beyond the fire of our hearts

She'll never let you go,

She'll grip your throat and won't let go.

Today we've lost

But we'll bring it back

To love it again

Desire, a wonderful escape

Just pure pleasure to let me die

Cover me in this fire

And take my heart away from me.

Could You Overdo It More?

More love, more love

Hopelessly entangled in a web of desire

This is what you took from me

This is what I took from you

Should we face it or just destroy it

I give up

This just is the end

No

No

No

No more

Time to rest my darling

Say goodbye to your fears

Your wonderful wonderful fears.

Love Always.

Recollections

I found this while looking back through my old drafts her on blogger. I think I planned to write more on the matter. However I think it's good enough as a standalone now that I read it.

What holds in us our need, our desire, our passion for living. Will she or won't she, sometimes I just sit and wonder about what could have been, with all these people I've never dared to meet, all of those pretty things I never dared explore. What brings in us this desire for acceptance; is our desire to live stronger than our passion to explore? No one can ever determine the true purpose to discovering an ancient lie, a hidden truth clouded in mystery, and I do caress the notion of loving a fellow lover, the occasional skip of the heart beat, the romantic gestures, the time old phrases and canon performances. Our life as we know it is merely a simple beat in the song and dance that entwines our lovely minds together. You always keep certain memories of your past, some of them will remain seemingly clear as day, others you'll remember fragments of speech, colours or smells, and the very special few will fade in time to leave a lasting impression of an extraordinary emotion that will be shared amongst yourself until the day you die. There is nothing that will make you forget how that moment felt, and everything that reminds you of that moment will trigger inside of you that moment that sits so deep in your heart.


The only light being the cool glow from the moon; nervous anticipation, satin and lace. Nervous excitement. A true connection, a timeless bond, a moment that will change your life forever. Twenty minutes of your life that you will never forget....

Subrealism

For a life of regrets

She will steal you away

A desire

Heart's Desire

She'll make you bleed

For the fantasy

A desire to control

This life is not a lie

So she rips you apart

Brings you back around

And wants you to lie

Face down on the ground

Blood

There's xxx on your chest. She's back isn't she?

It Should Have Been Predicted

Well I should have seen this coming.

This is the life that we were expecting.

Nothing should be so easy.

Can't imagine that this life will change.

But this is it.

Only will it decide,

Once love is dead and gone.

We Are One

Our life is what we make it

You cannot perceive this disaster

Anymore than the fire burns your heart

She'll take you away

Before you can keep it

But don't look too far

This world is better without you

Just keep on breathing,

Hope she doesn't find out.

This is life, it's what we make it

Today more than ever

I feel like falling

I'll cut off my wings

And I'll just forever fall into the darkness of your love.

Coming Closer, Make Us Warmer

She brings you this fire,

Kills life inside the desire

She fights for you

And gives you this to die

Come on baby let it die

Let this heart roll-over and die

Fuck this world

Fuck this life

All you want to bring this alive

Is sitting alone under a loving lie.

A Lost Goodbye

She brings you love

All you can do is cry

Everything you want is held in her heart

But you stand there watching

Hoping she doesn't fade away.

Our Times That You Would Rather Give Up

Away

She'll take you far, far away.

Beyond the stars,

Beyond the lights,

Beyond the love.

I take you away with me,

I'll make you mine.

You'll drink my blood

And we'll laugh in slaughter

The blood of our enemies

Brings us together once more

You dig this desire

And I'll burn you with fire

We do not dare to contemplate the meaning behind our existence

We merely ask that you don't give up on us.

We Always End In Tears, Because This Life Isn't Meant To Be Feared

This life

A shadow in the blue

With love tied into the framework of her body

You whisper

'I Love You,'

She never hears you...

This is how it's meant to be

This is how life makes you

Nobody looking out for you

No wonder love breaks you.

Will you fulfill your rock-star dream?

Will you live past Twenty-one?

Will you crawl of of the shadow of your life,

And at least give me a hug, before I die?

This will take from us a heartache that burns inside you

A life without reason

Burns forever

A desire multitude that proceeds incompetence

This lust, I share

This, we would just fuck.

I am the leader

I will teach you everything

I'm beginning to pretend

That you mean nothing

Make me famous

Cast my life into the flames

And turn your heart to ash

Because theres nothing worth living for

Then to just make the most out of this world.

By just fucking.

Dangerous Desire

Innocence and purity before you knew her

A life of heartache and a love destroyed

She'll take your heart and burn it too

She wants nothing more than to be like you

A little smile and bright eyes

A hopeless smile she seeks for pleasure

Destroys everything, especially herself

We found this

We took this

A life of fear and acceptance

Who knew, who knew

What this life would become

Who knew, Who did

The dangerous desire

Our hearts combine

I feel inside her

I see her eyes

That see my world

From long ago

Too many lives

Not enough hearts

Some day I will save her from this

Some day we will find acceptance

Today we will keep on fighting

Desperately trying, to not give up lying

I think too much.

Blatant respondents calling false accordance

Too late too far

Please forgive me

Don't turn back

This life I left behind

Shattered my hatred and my fear

With this short collapse

The arm dropped

The spindle scratch the record playing goodbye sweet night

Hold me close

Feel me now

All I want is you in my mouth

I gave you dreams

I gave you hearts

But this life you left me

Is nothing but darts.

Apathetic Androgyny

Her body,

Lovely and perfect

Lying below me

Eyes looking into mine

A time ago

This was what love was

Now

It's just memories

Our desire

Locks in each other eyes

Feels like satin

...on satin

Love composed within the satin sheets

Under a blanket of moonlight

Nights love goes on forever.

Passion and fire

The same old metaphor

Heavy breaths just make it so

Complete comfort

Extreme vulnerability

Everything combined

To take our love

Apathy destroyed

Just the complete desire to send her body out of control and make her shake in your arms

Aspiration Endured Pleasurably.

Hypnauseum.

Hopelessness, the essence to survival

This desire we create

will be the downfall of our existence.

To consider being lonely

Until the end of days

Our darkest hour comes in the revival

Hedonistic, Narcissistic, Apathetic.

Three criteria, allows deathly psychosis

Inducing hypnauseum. Brain bypass.

Come with me now

Drown in me now

Let this blood evolve you let my love invoke in you

Thoughts, memories, desires, fears, intuition in succession.

Re-Alive.

With what comes to the fold when the desire begins to bare. Lose all sense of self control as the products start to tear, this corruption unfolded by longing for destruction. Who can sense, dispense, administer without the lies.

Deception, she looks to the sky. A sweet respite that makes Victoria wish she were somewhere else. Why does she sit in the same spot everyday hoping that something will change. The only effect seems to be the dead grass that disappears everyday. Some day she hopes that she will see him. The one person that will change her life. Re-adapt, Repeat.

An art-form that makes us change with every coming day, Never do the words begin to fragment, compared to the thoughts and hearts of those combined. Victoria just sits alone, wasting her days by looking for her life companion that just continually destroys her heart.

A Short Idea

What bleed this inside us

Who could take desire, perished in fire.

Who stems from royalty eventually dies in prose

Introspective

What is it inside of me that possesses this de-motivation the moment I enter solitude. Can it be attributed to the contact and appreciation of other human beings, and even admiration, that elevates my mood to a point where the disconnection of the cause of happiness can have a negative mood swing similar to the effects a drug user of speed might experience?
Do I feel so uncomfortable and so self-hating that I have to use the happiness of others to make my life worth living?
Today shall be my attempt at near-complete disconnection to society, near-complete in the sense that I wont be searching for human interaction, but if someone wishes to contact me then they have the ability to do so.
I think over the past year especially I suppose this has always happened, though I cannot say for sure which if either of the explanations it could be.
Now humans by nature are social beings, but why do I find it so hard to be in a social setting yet feel so depressed to leave a social setting, there definitely comes a point where I inevitably get fed up in a sense of the people around me and I just have to exit that scenario, but when I don't feel the need to exit such a situation, and I witness either the 'enjoyable' people around me leaving, or my own self leaving against my inner volition why do I experience what can only be described as anxiety.

:Introspection End:

What Began And What Ended.

What holds in us our need, our desire, our passion for living. Will she or won't she, sometimes I just sit and wonder about what could have been, with all these people I've never dared to meet, all of those pretty things I never dared explore. What brings in us this desire for acceptance; is our desire to live stronger than our passion to explore? No one can ever determine the true purpose to discovering an ancient lie, a hidden truth clouded in mystery, and I do caress the notion of loving a fellow lover, the occasional skip of the heart beat, the romantic gestures, the time old phrases and canon performances. Our life as we know it is merely a simple beat in the song and dance that entwines our lovely minds together. You always keep certain memories of your past, some of them will remain seemingly clear as day, others you'll remember fragments of speech, colours or smells, and the very special few will fade in time to leave a lasting impression of an extraordinary emotion that will be shared amongst yourself until the day you die. There is nothing that will make you forget how that moment felt, and everything that reminds you of that moment will trigger inside of you that moment that sits so deep in your heart.

The only light being the cool glow from the moon; nervous anticipation, satin and lace. Nervous excitement. A true connection, a timeless bond, a moment that will change your life forever. Twenty minutes of your life that you will never forget.

And now all that your left to hold onto is the kiss goodbye and some tacky polaroids... If they were only real polaroids they wouldn't be so shameful.

The Loneliest Day of the Year

My 20th year, my 19th Valentine's Day, probably my 3rd one realising that there's no point to it. Let's Celebrate:


Goodnight. ♥

Willfully Abandoned

She makes me wonder
How could you turn my heart asunder
You make me try
To bring us back to life
Don't forgive this
Don't bereave for me
I will endure
For this desire you give me
!Gives me desire to kill you

Where Do You Hide Victoria

Lovely listen heartbeats sink
This is our home we'll build it together
Fight for our love
Ill stand here forever

Sink into the sand
Watch the waves wash over me
I look out to the see
When will you come home to me
Victoria

Some day youll be lost
And 'til then we'll lust
But forever ill try
To Find you again
Victoria

Take me away
Take me away from here
Take me away
Take me away from this
Victoria.

Pillowtalk

Because thats just what it is...


But sometimes, just sometimes, you want to come back to the pillow.

A Promise To Compromise

Dont you know how I feel when I feel,
You should feel proud, youre not dismembered.

Because we laugh in the rain,
While I curse your name
I wish you were dead
At least dead to me.

You hope for stars and when I care too much,
You just run away
Because I gave my heart to you but you didnt like it,
And threw it away.

Never give it up,
As long as I breathe it,
Youll push me away,
But ill come back again,
and forever again

Im Taking Pansexuality Back!

What will this love amount to
Who will stay until the end
Love knows no bounds say they
But they say they'venot loved
It's al hopes and dreams
Until my honey wakes up dead
But before you knew
We'd wish for a life of regrets
Before ever meeting you

Somedays are easier than others
When all we wish for is an illusion
But between you and me
Nothing lasts better
Than a night under the stars
And a night in each others arms

Watching the time pass by
Expressing our lust
Through emotionless actions
Hours by and we'd not know our name
You'll be removed
And I'll keep on living
This night will mark time
I'll forget my desires
That I've longed forever
Born anew
Into my new life
...Fuck I Love Me...

Save The Thoughts For Paper

How do I place the words properly to express how I feel without forsaking our friendship.
For what reason would someone drunkenly admit your deepest dreams
Only to shamelessly avoid it later.
And when you react badly and self-destructive, the simple sign that they care
Is enough to turn your whole heart around.
[See the mirror in your eyes,
See the truth behind your lies...]
It's a simple solution, to forsake a friendship
I've given all I've got
I've nothing more to lose.
Who can, who will forgive me now,
When  all that I do
Is lost in misery.
[...Your eyes are haunting me,
See the reason in your eyes.
Giving answer to the why,
Your eyes are haunting me...]
If I could only see you one more time,
Everything would be alright,
One more time, one more night.
Everything would be just fine....


Why can't you feel it?
Why can't you see it?
In and out of love.... each time...




**certain lines from "In And Out Of Love" by Armin Van Buuren**

Need to deal with this violent threat, an idea that what this disaster is causing me will destroy my life as a whole, i cant keep living this way, my soul will eat me alive. If you cant give me what i want why dont you exist when i need you to. i gave to much, i always do, like i feel that you want to know what you want to know about me. when will i realise that what im feeling is not what i desire but what i want from this world to captivate and restructure this world as a whole, just save my fucking soul and take me away from this delusional paranoia you give me,

Hedon's Do It Better

On a path of self-destruction due to ones own self-loathing
No more will these days outnumber the lives of our forerunners
Days pass on, and I'll learn to cope
Someday you and I will spend together forever

Never will I let this heart die
My exterior will shine brighter than the sun.

Many years ago...

Deciding to start putting up song demo's and other music works ive come up with myself and this is a test on embedding music files.



Thats my Year 12 Music 1 HSC composition peice, figure here was a good enough place to post it. Enjoy,.

Believe Me When I Say, you don't scare so easily, don't open your heart to let it break so easily.
Just give up to the desires of  your heart
Let the willingness give way to the art of your soul

Contemplating A Virgin Direction

Do I care all that much about what appears around me
When will enough be enough
Do I return to the ones I know that love me
Do I strive to turn a new cheek and burn away my past
Nothing in this world will change my desire
To pull you apart
And find your love at last

New Directions (Disregard)

With a certain disregard for ethics
Our minds will be changed to a new light
Forever our life lingers on the horizon
You'll be wishing to steal me away

This lifetime beyond the next
Don't hold me back
Your wish will be your death
Until the world collapses again
We'll be together unto the end
You, me and the rest of me
Forever we'll be living free,
...